You are so straight you might as well be Charlton Heston.  And I mean the version that’s a corpse.

Just because you experimented in college and it felt funny, this doesn’t mean you’re gay.   It’s nothing to be proud of mind you, no one likes a guy who gives off mixed signals. See you at the strip bar.

Okay, well you’re trying to pass for straight but you’re really gay.  I know you’re uncomfortable with it, but just try handjobs until you feel you can increase your skill level.

You’re gay.   One of those kind hearted folk who like to give dinner parties and volunteer at the hospital.   You have trouble co-ordinating outfits though, and you can never get laid when you’re on vacation.

You are what most people in the game would refer to as “a raging flamer”.  You’re probably naked on the bed with your ass in the air right now.  It’s okay, that’s to be expected. You also have an addiction to lubricants that will require group intervention when you are in your fifties.

If someone on the street asked you to be in gay porn, you’d not only agree but you’d whip out the screenplay you keep in your manbag

You are gay and you keep a sex dungeon in the spare room, but one that was designed in French Country style with the help several volumes of Martha Stewart Living.